Impossible Love
by HPFlightlessBird
Summary: "I had made it my life quest to make up for the life he had been living before he became part of my family. And every time I thought of Jasper, butterflies would flutter in my stomach, and I'd do my best to get rid of them, because I loved Jasper, but I knew I couldn't love him that way." Warning: will contain slash! Don't like, don't read.
1. Prologue

Prologue

He looked at the newborn. Looked at his son. The boy was looking back at him. Both waiting. The father reached out, then let his arms fall down to the side. He couldn't do this. This child was not his son, this child didn't deserve to live. She should have been the one to survive, not him. He saw her features in the tiny face, he had her eyes.  
For a moment he had to look away, couldn't stand looking at this small being. The creature who was already a murderer. He felt his body harden, his heart filled up with hatred.  
"I hate you," he whispered, looking at the boy.  
"I hate you," he repeated with a harsher voice.  
The boy started moving around, feeling uncomfortable. Missing the warmth of his mother, missing the love. Small sobs escaped his throat. His eyes looked at the man above him, almost pleading him to reach out and pick him up. Begging for his love. But the man didn't react, he just kept standing there. Filling up with anger and hatred towards this pure little boy.

The infant started crying, but no one noticed. No one was there, but the man who was once his father. The cries that would have broken every mother's heart only filled the father with more hate. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He hadn't even wanted the child in the first place. It had been her wish to become a parent, not his. During her pregnancy she had been full of life, full of love and laughter. Sometimes he'd shared her joy, not because of the child, never because of the child, but because of her. She was the love of his life, no one but her. And now she was gone. Complications, they'd called it. He knew the reason, he knew who'd taken his greatest love away from him, and he was looking at it now.

The child's face was turning red, he was using all his oxygen to try and get some attention. But no one listened. No one cared.

The father thought about strangling the child. Just getting it over with. Never having to look into those eyes again, the eyes of his love, and the eyes of the person who'd killed her. But he couldn't let the boy get away with it that easy. He wanted the baby to feel the pain he was feeling right now.

He lowered his head and looked right into the blue eyes. For a moment the child stopped crying and just looked back. Hoping. Then the man put his hand on top of the baby's mouth, almost covering his entire face. The boy tried to move, but the man didn't let go.  
"I will make you pay for what you've done. I will make sure to hurt you as bad as you've hurt me," he whispered.

Then he let go.  
The child's cries filled the air as the man turned around and walked out of the room, leaving the infant alone. 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_**Jasper's POV**_

"_My Family", _I wrote at the top of the paper, sighing. The paper was due tomorrow and I'd already put it off too long. _"I killed my mother and my father is a monster who abused me my whole life. I don't have a family." _I looked at the words, but I couldn't get myself to write this, so instead I ripped off the paper and started over.

_"My Family"  
_

_"My family isn't my real family. My parents aren't my biological parents. My family is the people who saved me from my real family. _

_There's my mother Esme, who always gives me a hug when I need one and always listens when I need a motherly figure to talk to. She is the one who showed me what it's like to have a mother. I like to think that my real mother, my biological mother, would have been like that.  
__When I first came to the Cullen's house, Esme was the one who served me my first ever home cooked meal. She was the one who told me to eat as much asI wanted and when I accidentally spilled a whole glass of milk – and immediately bowed my head, waiting for the yelling and the smack, she was the one who carefully hugged me and told me it was OK, waiting for me to calm down before she cleaned up the milk with a smile. Esme is the mother I never had.  
_

_Then there's my father, Carlisle. He is nothing like my biological father. Carlisle is caring and patient, he would never hurt me or yell at me, he is always there to help or talk or just joke around. Carlisle showed me how a father is supposed to be. Last year he took me with him to the hospital where he works, he told me to help out by reading the paper, talking or playing games with some of the sick people. It scared me to death. But Carlisle believed in me, he knew I just needed a small push and I quickly realized how rewarding it is. I get to spend time with people who don't know me, don't pity me and I love talking about everyday-stuff with them. The hospital is my sanctuary, the place I go when things get too much.  
I care deeply for both Esme and Carlisle. They have showed me what love is and they love me as their son. I'm grateful that they took me in five years ago and gave me a real home.  
_

_Finally there's Edward. Edward is my", _I stopped writing, trying to find the right word. He wasn't my brother. I couldn't think of him like that – that would make everything so much more twisted and messy. So much more wrong. _"best friend," _I ended up writing, though he was so much more than that. Edward was my soul mate, my true savior. The person I trusted more than anyone, the only person who could help me through my nightmares, and the only person I had ever loved. I loved Edward more than just a friend - though I wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even myself. I couldn't. It was wrong.  
I put the pencil to the paper and continued writing. _"Edward is the one who shared his toys with me when we first met, he taught me to play on his play station and always let me have the first go. He never got jealous when I got all the attention, never got mad at me. We have never fought or argued though we have spend almost every minute together since I came into his house. He was the one who sneaked into my room and comforted me when I had nightmares. He would get into bed with me and just hold me till I stopped shaking and crying. He is always there for me when I need him, even now, after all these years."_

I read everything before putting down the pencil. I couldn't turn this in, so I simply put the paper into the top of my drawer and decided I wouldn't turn in anything tomorrow. The teacher probably wouldn't even get mad at me, just send me a pitiful look. I hated that look, yet I took advantage of it in some situations, like with my homework.

There was a knock on my door and Edward stuck his head inside. "Dinner's ready", he said with a smile. I got up and ruffled his already messy hair. He looked at me with a devious grin and I started running. Edward was right behind me as we ran down the stairs and into the kitchen, both laughing loudly. When I reached the kitchen I quickly hid behind Esme, who shook her head at us and smiled widely. When Edward came closer she grabbed both of us and pulled us into a hug. Then Carlisle joined and we all laughed.

This was my family. Full of joy, happiness and love.

_**Edward's POV**_

I remember the first day I met Jasper, we were both 12-years-old, but had been living so different lives. I couldn't understand the amount of abuse and pain Jasper had been going through and my parents didn't tell me much. But I saw the bruises that covered his body and I saw his swollen eye, and at that moment I decided to be his friend.

The first night he slept here I woke up to cries from the other side of the wall. I quickly got into his room and saw him lying in bed, his face twisted in pain. His hands were fisted into his hair and his whole body was completely rigid. I didn't even think twice, just jumped into bed next to him and caressed his hair, whispering soothing words to him. I remembered my mum always doing this to me when I had nightmares and Jasper had slowly stopped crying and his body had relaxed. The next morning Esme had found both of us curled up in Jasper's bed and for years I would go into his bedroom and help him through his nightmares. Now he rarely had them, but every now and then it still happened and I would go into him. It was different now than it used to be, we both knew we were too old to sleep in the same bed, so usually I'd wake up early and stumble back to my own bed, before morning.

Ever since Jasper came into my life he'd had a special place in my heart and I loved him dearly. I couldn't explain the love I felt for Jasper, it was so much more than love between two friends. I wanted to make sure he was happy and that no one ever hurt him again, I wanted to protect him from everyone – even himself. I had made it my life quest to make up for the life he had been living before he became part of my family. And every time I thought of Jasper, butterflies would flutter in my stomach, and I'd do my best to get rid of them, because I loved Jasper, but I knew I couldn't love him that way.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_**Jasper's POV**_

_He tried to hide, but his father always found him. A big hand grabbed his arm and dragged him into the kitchen and from there down to the basement. Jasper did his best not to make a sound even though his arm was hurting. He knew from years of experience that it would only make things worse if he cried or made any noises.  
The basement was dark and cold, he hated that place more than anything. If you looked closely you could find the traces of dried up blood on the floor and walls. They'd witnessed years of abuse, years of beating and kicking and years of Jasper's silent cries.  
"How dare you hide from me?" the father yelled, before raising his hand. Jasper immediately fell to the floor, covering his head the best he good. The beatings started not long after. Jasper desperately tried to think of something else, tried to get away from the basement. Sometimes he succeeded, but mostly he struggled just to feel nothing. To make himself empty inside._

"_You are nothing," the father yelled between his punches, "nothing but a dirty little boy, a murderer. You don't deserve to live. You don't deserve to ever feel love. Do you hear me?"_

_Jasper didn't react, which made his father grab him at the collars and lift him up._

"_Do you hear me?" he yelled. Jasper nodded viciously. Don't cry, he repeated to himself. Don't cry. Not yet. It will soon be over._

_The father dropped his son to the floor like a ragdoll, looking at him with one last glare._

"_If you ever love anyone, I swear to God I will kill them, just as you killed your own mother." And with a final kick, he left the boy on the floor. _

_Jasper heard the familiar 'click' of the door being locked and complete darkness surrounded him. Finally he let down his guards. As he was laying on the floor in a fetal position, hugging his knees, he let the tears stream down his cheeks. Small sobs was swallowed by the thick walls as the tears mixed with blood dripped unto the floor._

_**Edward's POV**_

I woke up to low whimpers coming from Jasper's room. I quickly ran in there, finding him with an agonizing look, tears streaming down his face. I lay down beside him and started stroking his hair and comforting him. He hadn't had a nightmare in a long time, and something felt different. I wasn't uncomfortable in Jasper's bed, but I wasn't as comfortable as I usually was. I felt my body tense up a bit, not knowing why.

It took a long time before Jasper started to relax, but finally his breathing became normal and his tears dried up. I kept stroking his hair, feeling the softness underneath my fingers. His blonde curly hair twisted around my fingers. I felt myself relax a bit more, taking pleasure in the warmth coming from Jasper's body. He sighed in his sleep and crept closer to me. I should have gone back to my own bed, but I couldn't bring myself to leave the warm body beside me. Instead I closed my eyes, filling my whole body with Jasper's scent and breathing sounds. I fell asleep with blonde curls caressing my face.

The next morning I woke up feeling very hot, somehow during the night Jasper and I had gotten our bodies completely entangled with each other. I could feel the weight of Jasper's leg on top of me and I had my arm around his waist. I opened my eyes slowly, yawning and trying to move my body without waking up my sleeping mate. "'Morning", Jasper said with a groggy voice, moving his leg away from me and stretching on top of the bed, his t-shirt lifted and I caught a glimpse of his bare abdomen. Something stirred inside of me and I quickly looked away.

"You couldn't sleep without me?" Jasper said in a teasing voice, as he sent me a half-hearted smile. He knew why I was there.

"You were having a nightmare." I stated the obvious, sending him a concerned glance. He rubbed his face, then looked at me with sad eyes.

"I know.."

"What was it about this time?"

"The same as always.. my father, the basement.." he looked away, not telling me the details. I'd heard them before, so I didn't say anything. I just stayed in bed next to him, offering him a bit of comfort.

We lay like that for a while, side by side engulfed in our own thoughts, then Jasper slapped me softly on my arm.

"You should go take a shower, you stink," he said with a grin, I grinned back at him, telling him that I wasn't the only one who needed to clean up.

And as I got out of bed, two blue eyes were looking at me, trying to figure out this emotion he felt when he looked at me, trying to suppress it, but not feeling strong enough.


End file.
